mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> (pic#13466324)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2020-09-07 06:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[as nervous and unsure about he is about all this, buzz doesn't actually hesitate to come over to her and sit next to her.]

Okay... [he comments as he sits down. w...what next?]
mrsnesbitt: (pic#13422335)

ok the real one finally

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2020-09-08 07:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[if he had normal hands, he might be chewing on his nails right now. just biting those bastards right off. he pulls his knees up to his chest and pulls on his collar lightly the way he does want he's anxious.]

Well, the obvious answer is waking up here in general, but... [when did he actually reach his limit? selling his heart for fern, he thinks. seeing woody suffer such a raw humiliation by the andy snr ghost was rough, too, but that's not his story to tell.] I don't know. I could list off any number of terrible things that've happened to us or people we care about.
mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> (pic#13484159)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2020-09-09 07:34 pm (UTC)(link)
I think... it was after that city under the water. When the orcs attacked.

[god, saying that in hindsight is weird. is this real? is he sure this is real? suddenly buzz isn't so sure.]

Ironhide gave me a lift away from a patrol, and while we were discussing our respective sizes, he told me about a... specific tactic that would make it easy for us to bring people down if we hit the right places in their legs. I didn't like it. [which is a nice way to say he had a straight up panic attack and almost ran from ironhide into danger just to get away from it.] I mentioned that underwater city-- I didn't like what Ironhide was saying because there were several times I almost did it to the people who were posing a threat down there.

[there's a pause where he sighs, looking away. he thinks of the zomtoys as well-- maybe he was okay with that when bo was around the share the burden of what they'd done, but now?]

I don't think I should be a toy for a kid as young as Bonnie when I've even considered things like that. Or anyone. [it's a loss of identity, as usual with buzz.]
mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> (pic#13484152)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2020-09-11 07:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[to be fair, he is an expert at repressing. very, very good. that being said, his expression looking downright sick at what she says likely answers it before he does.]

No! No. Never. [he shifts to hold her hand back, but it's a little bit of a weak grip.] I-- I guess I'm just struggling with the different stakes.
mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> (pic#13466307)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2020-09-13 02:23 pm (UTC)(link)
I know.

[he doesn't say it, but jessie knows him better than anyone else. she can probably tell from the cadence of his tone that he feels guilt for even needing this, even though she's literally telling him not to bottle it all up. buzz just... really feels like he shouldn't bother the others with his own problems. he's the space ranger.]

I get to a point where I just feel like there's nothing to say.
mrsnesbitt: (pic#13447897)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2020-09-15 12:55 pm (UTC)(link)
[his heart can't NOT feel full when she speaks to him like that. as much as he holds his own emotions back from the surface, he's also quite easy to please.]

Does that work? I thought you had to talk about it.
mrsnesbitt: (pic#13422365)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2020-09-16 08:09 pm (UTC)(link)
What if... it is, but it's still too hard to talk about?

[please, wife, guide him through this. he can give all the advice to other people in the world but he's clueless when it comes to himself.]
mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> (pic#13466324)

OGJHHHH I THOT I TAGGED THIS

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2020-10-07 12:47 pm (UTC)(link)
[he doesn't expect an answer. as much as he loves and cherishes her, he knows she doesn't have all the answers. even if he does value her opinion and experience above nearly all else.]

Of course. Is, um. It's not too... small up here, is it?
mrsnesbitt: (pic#13422344)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2020-10-10 02:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[buzz's thoughts go far more practical-- their small size makes the attic much larger to them and the lights are on.]

I won't want to come up here again, I just didn't want to give myself an out.

[he sighs a little.]

Let's go back downstairs.