mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> 😔 (god only knows)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-10-29 05:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[honestly even if everything he's feeling right now is incredibly dulled, he still feels a wince and still actively winces at her reaction to it all. it's not like he's suddenly forgotten all this. maybe it's kind of ironic how the wince comes out when she says voicebox, rather than heart. he doesn't quite know about what woody did back home, but it's an unpleasant enough concept.

he really hates making her upset, even though he knows this time was unavoidable; this time it was something he had to do. hell, he's not even sure if his immediate thought of at least it was for a good cause is something he should say. that pesky interference!!]
I can only believe that as the cure worked as it was meant to, the after-effects will as well.

[it's a bit of a lame answer-- buzz knows that, but it's no less genuine.]
Edited 2019-10-29 17:19 (UTC)
mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> (pic#13484152)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-10-30 10:58 pm (UTC)(link)
...No. There's no way to be sure until it actually happens.

[he sees that, and he cautiously reaches a hand out to her. this was kind of a stupid thing to do without telling her or consulting her in advance, but at the same time buzz knew he didn't really have an option.]

I'm sorry, Jessie. The only other options were either impossible for me or something that might've been worse than this. All things considered, I took the easy way out.

[...]

...But even so, it was irresponsible of me to not tell you I was doing something like that until after the fact. I didn't even know how or when I was going to tell you because I was so focused on helping Fern. I think I made it worse by leaving him to get the cure instead of somehow getting him to come with me... [man, these feelings of being a stupid dumb space failure that're coming with his acclimation to the actual scope of their problems here really suck.]
mrsnesbitt: (pic#13422345)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-10-31 09:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[it turns out... getting all the positive emotions pulled out of you... makes you feel kinda bad? whoda thought. buzz just looks away with a sigh. she's right, and he knows she's right. he did all he could reasonably do.]

I still could've done better. You didn't see how warped he ended up in the few short hours after I left him. His head was-- I never should've left him!

[...maybe he has a tiny trauma about this. just a small one.]
Edited 2019-10-31 21:13 (UTC)
mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> (pic#13466307)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-10-31 11:24 pm (UTC)(link)
[he's quiet for a long time as she speaks. this sort of thing would work normally, but he can't even tell if what he's feeling is real or if it's just part of the cure. he doesn't doubt he'd be upset about what happened but to this degree?

feelings are extra hard right now and everything about this is unprecedented.]


...I think I just need to sleep it off.
mrsnesbitt: (pic#13447900)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-11-01 11:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Maybe. [he reaches out and gives her hand a squeeze, hating that he's basically just going through the motions instead of being able to feel it properly and genuinely. he'll act like it's fine now, but if she's right and those feelings never come back...

...well, he'll work something out. not being able to feel it properly right now doesn't mean his feelings have changed at all. they're still there, just buried somewhere. she was the last thing he thought of before his heart was pulled out and she'll remain at the forefront of his mind no matter what.]
Can you... maybe check in on Fern? I didn't want to leave him again but circumstances dictated otherwise.

[he almost asks her not to tell the others as well, but stops himself. what she does in that regard isn't his choice to make or control. don't be shitty, idiot.]
mrsnesbitt: (pic#13422360)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-11-03 12:19 am (UTC)(link)
I'll do my best. Thanks.

[he gives her hands another squeeze-- unable to think of anything else to do or say. ordinarily, this wouldn't be a problem for him. when he can barely feel anything? yeah, it's not that easy. buzz disappears up the stairs and after...

...he's not sure, actually. maybe manages to pass out for half an hour after like an hour of rolling around and groaning irritably. the emotional change from the cure wearing off is so strong it pulls him out of semi-unconsciousness with a jerk. his thoughts go to jessie first, as they always do, so he rolls over and scrabbles towards his stupid huge fluid, quickly tapping out a text to her:]


I think it came back.
Where are you? Are you okay?


[then when he's 5% more awake he realises a text is stupid and immediately calls her.]
Edited 2019-11-03 00:21 (UTC)
mrsnesbitt: (pic#13422385)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-11-03 12:26 pm (UTC)(link)
[probably all the crap that's happened this month that he woke up and immediately thought that someone was in danger. everyone's fine, ya dingus! she can probably hear the soft exhale of relief from his side when he hears her voice, chipper as always.]

Yeah. Now I just feel like I was being dramatic over nothing. [which... is slightly true. he did genuinely feel completely horrible. you know how it is, looking back at something. he does not enjoy the loss of composure.] Do you want me to come out and meet you?
mrsnesbitt: (pic#13422347)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-11-03 09:06 pm (UTC)(link)
[he knows exactly where that is. once again, his obsessive map studying comes in handy.]

You weren't around for the days when I used to do a backflip across the room for... no reason. Fun. [buzz you still do that, don't act like that's a habit you've since grown out of. you haven't. you never will. you'll be jessie's age and still stunting on the youth by doing a standing backflip.] How was Fern?

[she did already say he was fine, but...]
mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> (pic#13466308)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-11-03 11:21 pm (UTC)(link)
...I needed the momentum.

[he didn't. it was just for show, because he's Like That.]

I'm glad to hear it. [he says, voice fading out lightly as he's getting out the house. there's that tip tap tip tap of plastic boots on cobblestone!] ...I'll relax when I know he won't change again.

[sorry, jessie. he's full boyle woody on this one.]
mrsnesbitt: (trailer park toys)

1/2

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-11-04 05:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Said like someone who didn't think to use the spatula as a springboard, [he says, the insufferable smugness almost palpable.]
mrsnesbitt: (pic#13422337)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-11-04 05:30 pm (UTC)(link)
[honestly, he feels similarly. he'll certainly check in on fern as soon as he can, but he's just been through something awful and traumatic. sometimes... you just wanna hold the good lady wife after that. bury your face in her neck. act like you don't wanna cry the way you do.

she can probably see his glowing armour sliding down some metal railing way before he's actually visible in the dark. "the days when i used to backflip", shut up buzz, he literally backflips off the railing.

guess who gets the big hug this time? you bet your ass buzz grabs jessie up and gives her a bear hug like he hasn't seen her in a decade. he needs it. they both need it.]
mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> (pic#13484108)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-11-05 02:16 pm (UTC)(link)
[he holds on way tighter and longer than he does usually. it's easy to feel completely ridiculous for not wanting to let go, but at the same time he can't bring himself to care. when he finally does, he takes a step back with his hands on her forearms.]

I know, I'm sorry. Believe me, I'm not in a rush to do something like that again. [...you know, unless fern or one of the other toys needs it. he is super tired of almost dying, though!] Are you doing okay?
Edited 2019-11-05 14:16 (UTC)
mrsnesbitt: <user name=bushyeyebrows> (pic#13466324)

[personal profile] mrsnesbitt 2019-11-05 10:19 pm (UTC)(link)
[all he can really do to that is nod-- he doesn't really want to dwell on it. if she wants to talk more about it, he will, but he's not going to push the subject otherwise. buzz is 10000% more concerned about jessie, anyway. what he did was entirely by choice-- he knows most of what jessie must've been through has been the opposite.]

Yeah. [that makes two of them. he doesn't want to talk hypotheticals, don't want to dwell on it. it's just a nightmare that'll haunt him for a long while. it's fine.] Let's get back. I put on a new incense stick that doesn't smell of strawberry for a change. You can relax.

[oh how the turn tables.]

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