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[yodelling]

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Offical Woody Complaint Box
On (INSERT DATE) Woody said (INSERT COMMENT) to (ME/MY FRIEND/SOMEONE ELSE) due to (LEAD UP TO INCIDENT) and he made me feel (BRIEF DESCRIPTION). I strongly suggest that he (INSERT PUNISHMENT) until he (POSSIBLE REPARATIONS).

FROM: SUBJECT: BUZZ Jessie, I think we should talk about Peter. BUZZ I think I'm ready. LARXENE Soooooooooo... ALICE Jessie, hi. It's Alice. MAUL I am not good at this sort of thing WILL if i tell people about it, it'll freak them out CHLOE hey it's chloe BUZZ There's a deer come to visit in the garden VENKMAN Strings BUZZ Found my Fluid MAMI A gift BUZZ doggopic.jpeg FERN dude! you and Buzz are dating? that's great BUZZ So...Woody asked me about what we were hiding from him. BUZZ Sorry. I'll be okay. BUZZ --Rex would be a real dinosaur?! THE DOCTOR Hello, this is The Doctor. Is this Jesse?

TO: SUBJECT: BUZZ Hey howdy hey RUBY Oh my god I found lemonade in the toaster this morning. SANA Howdy there. I um... wanted to apologise for when you last saw me VENKMAN I gotta keep this short because... VENKMAN Hey-howdy-hey. This is your afternoon check-up call... BUZZ I still don't know why we all go so many presents anyway. WOODY Hey. You around? To talk, I mean? BUZZ Mami fucking died

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Comments

[yodelling]

[Deerington is an awful place, and the sudden movement is enough to rouse Jessie from (sleep???) with a very delicate and ladylike snort. She looks around for THE DANGER for a moment- assuming there has to be some... but no. It's just Buzz. Talking about dinosaurs?

She squints at him, her sleep-addled brain trying to put two and two together but not quite making four. ]

Whuzt? [A stunning display of the English language.] What was that about Rex?

[mrsnesbitt]

I don't know if I believe it, but it certainly explains some of the discrepancies around here! The suspension of disbelief has already been ruined by being involved in some magical nightmare.

[that's... not helping.]

Have you been told about the multiverse thing? I could be a cowboy...

[yodelling]

[What in the holy hell is happening to her? She stares at him blearily, eyes blinking slightly out of synch as she tries to process the information just dropped on her. ]

What- so this isn't about Rex?

[Oh sweet lord, is this what it feels like to be Woody? Is her life from this point on going to be fielding Buzz's existential crisis questions? She raises a hand to her head, rubbing her forehead. Okay. No. Let's just- ]

What's this about you being a cowboy?

1/3

[mrsnesbitt]

[he stands up straight on the bed-- apparently buzz is done with sleeping for now. great.]

Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. We can talk about it tomorrow.

[mrsnesbitt]

[...



















...]

[mrsnesbitt]

But also, I was told that there are essentially an infinite number of universes with infinite possibilities that all fold onto each other continuously with either huge or minuscule differences and Deerington is a big train station where they all collide at once and make everything mean nothing and everything at the same time.

[this is... certainly a way to deal with what's going on. "deal".]

Like the inevitable one where I'm the cowboy, you're the Space Ranger and Rex is a real dinosaur.


[he flops backwards onto his ass. any other time he might not even tell her about this, but, like, talking about stuff is something they do!] And that's just something else, some of the other weird, bad news you have to learn here? If the real Buzz Lightyear shows up then I quit.

1/2

[yodelling]

Hooookay, I'm gonna guess sleeping is no longer an option. Just gonna put sleep off the table for a spell.

[Goodbye, sleep. You were good to her while she had you. Please come back again someday. She sits up proper, crossing her little legs under her and resting her hand on her knee, propping her chin up with her hand. ]

Okay. So... what you're saying is there's lots of different worlds and any of them can show up here? Like... other universes? And with other versions of us? And you're worried about them turning up?

[She's trying, she's really trying. She doesn't tend to worry about what ifs because honestly, she's carting enough baggage around with her thanks.]

2/2

[yodelling]

The [finger quotes times] "real" Buzz Lightyear is a cartoon and so not real. We watched the whole show, he's not real and he's not you. You're better.

[The best, in fact.]

And, if in some cockamanie hyjinks the cartoon Buzz Lightyear shows up, I'll just kick his butt, because I have had to deal with an excessive amount of Buzz Lightyears already and the chicken-stank one kinda hit my limit there. There's only one Buzz Lightyear I need or want and he's right here. You don't need to worry about that.

[mrsnesbitt]

That's what I was told. I don't know if I believe it, but... there's a lot here that can't exist back home. [which is a clusterfuck in his brain in itself after he had to accept none of that shit is real already.] I'm not worried about them showing up so much as it just being a thing in general... it's a lot to take in!

[but... as usual, her exuberance just makes him smile, his heart full with the love he feels for her. of course she'd kick the hell out of any doubles.]

He won't do that again, not after I took him back to the Palace. [though that thing is really lucky he didn't get a beating from woody AND buzz for what he pulled. the rudeness!] For what it's worth, you'd make an incredible Ranger. Zurg wouldn't last ten minutes against you!

[yodelling]

I guess so? I'm mostly still dealing with talking to humans - didn't really think much further than that. Makes sense, though. Fern sounds like he doesn't come from Earth at all - and I'm pretty sure the world would've noticed Ironhide by now.

[He's pretty heckin' big!!!]

Yeah, jury's out on that one.

[He was skeevy and she did not care for him. No sir. Give her her awkward, fumbling Buzz Lightyear over an obnoxiously flirty one any day. She smiles, reaching out to pat his shoulder. It's okay, babe, she's got your back.]

You better believe it! I ain't afraid of any weird-faced goon in a purple dress. I bet you'd make a good cowboy too, you just gotta get your countryisms down pat is all.

[mrsnesbitt]

Oh, that too. I ended up letting a raccoon believe I'm a tiny robot made for infiltration. Several people think I'm a human that's just been shrunk somehow. I didn't really want to correct them.

[though it's a laughable concept to think that he's a human. him! a whole people!]

Fern's from... Ooo, right? Ironhide turns into a truck. He's way too obnoxious to hide for long, though. He jettisoned me across the street when we first met because I vaugely touched his door. [okay buzz you were climbing directly across him, don't be like that. ironhide is a good dude who helped.] Listen, I know my yees and my haws... I can understand you and Woody perfectly well, now!

[yodelling]

You... let a raccoon believe you're a tiny robot. [No sorry she's just got to... make sure she heard that one right. ] How did you even? ...No. No. I've decided I don't wanna know, don't tell me.

Did they not see you were made of plastic? No one's thought I was a tiny human. [Jessie, that's because you're a ragdoll and your torso and limbs very blatantly don't have bones in them. ]

Awwww, Ironhide's a big softie. He let me ride on him for a little when I was looking for Woody. He's just crabby is all. Like a big, metal Potatohead. [Oh honey. Oh honey, you're trying so hard.] That's finer than a frog's hair split three ways. You've been practising.

[Jessie, you're a little shit and you're frankly lucky he puts up with you. ]

[mrsnesbitt]

It just-- it doesn't feel right explaining it all to the people who don't know. Like you said, the rules...

[he shrugs a little, then finally sits back down next to her. maybe sleep will come back sooner than she hopes.]

...That's exactly what I said! [buzz says, a grin splitting his expression. great minds think alike?] Nnnoot... four ways?

[yodelling]

That's true. It's a little like we're breaking some kina universal law every time we do it. It feels weird. I still don't know how Woody did a whole post to everyone.

[Thank you, Toy God, sleep would be preferable. She chortles a little.]

Well, if you wanted it to be even finer, you could. But that's a whole new level of fine. You sure you can handle that?

[mrsnesbitt]

He raises several good points in the video, if you watch it.

[buzz still thinks about how woody thought his reaction to it would be something so negative-- he knows they're out of synch in every possible way, but it feels pretty bad to have it affirmed. he has to wonder how jessie is handling and feels about it all, but it doesn't seem like a smart thing to bring up right now...]

We're reaching uncharted territories, Miss Pride.

[yodelling]

Guess I should give it a gander, see what the fuss is about.

[She doesn't sound thrilled, but she hasn't exactly been thrilled about any of it. She knows she's not really giving the entire thing a fair trial, though. She's letting passion override reason again. Once she decides the humans and sundry around here can be trusted with this, she might feel better about it- but to prove they can be trusted they need to know the truth. She's creating a Catch 22 for herself and she's well aware of it. But she'll stubbornly stick to her guns because since when has she ever done anything else? ]

Oh, oh! I got this one! [She grins, sweeping a hand dramatically across the air in front of them. ] The edges of galaxies never seen before!

[IS SHE SPACE-ING GOOD??]

[mrsnesbitt]

Remember he was on his own when he did it, too.

[ah, a pride sibling staple. he'd be surprised if she didn't, so he doesn't dig too far into it. better she sees it for herself, no? even then, she's allowed to retain her feelings on it.

he gasps gently, pressing his hand to his cheek.] And all the critters in space...!

[yodelling]

Guess he thought he was backed into a corner.

[And then they all showed up and made it all awkward. She giggles, thems good theatrics, Space Ranger.]

Are there even critters in space? Are there like... alien critters? Lotsa eyes and stuff?

[mrsnesbitt]

Oh, plenty. Some of them have so many eyes. Some of them have none at all. There's even a race of Porceleons with porcelain toilet heads!

[...]

...My cartoon was kind of weird. Huh.

[yodelling]

At least they can always see what's comin', with all those eyes. I still don't get the toilet heads though. What were they even thinking when they made those?

[Probably about the same when the folks making Woody's Roundup decided the most logical thing a cowgirl could do was yodel. Still, she chuckles.]

Hooo boy yeah, it was real weird. But Andy loved it? [And by extension, you, buddy.]

[mrsnesbitt]

A strain of humour I don't care to think too deeply about.

[not about fart jokes, this one. isn't that a shocker?]

...Yeah, he did. [slightly bittersweet; they'll always miss andy.] Too bad he didn't get the Roundup show... or maybe he did. I've no idea.

[yodelling]

The kids watching the cartoon probably thought it was hilarious.

[Buzz you are not the target audience for your own show, honey.]

I don't know, I think we were a little beyond his time. Not like they released it on video proper. Al had them all recorded on old tapes. [Which they have now- she hopes this meant Sodder stole them from Al. It would be nice to think all the Woody's Roundup stuff appearing here has been directly stolen from him. It's a very nice thought indeed.] Don't reckon kids his age would be all that interested in an old black and white teevee show anyhow. Besides, pretty sure Woody would have known who the heck he was if he did.

[mrsnesbitt]

[WHAT AN INCREDIBLE REVELATION!!]

That's the important thing. [and seeing as they're on the same track:] ...Heh. I hope the ones Woody got were taken directly from the Chicken Man's clutches.

[because... fuck that guy, honestly.]

That's a good point. Well... Andy and Bonnie both loved you guys. I'm sure they would've thoroughly enjoyed your show.

[yodelling]

Heck yeah! [Jessie that was really loud and the others are trying to sleep.] I hope everything we got here from the show was his. I hope he just keeps waking up to find his stuff slowly vanishing away. And I hope he cries about it.

[Does Jessie have some unresolved anger issues towards the guy who kept her in a cardboard box for decades and gave her piles of emotional trauma she'll never heal from? Well. Yeah. Probably. Fuck that guy. ]

Awww, thanks. It's probably still got some good stuff going for it. You know, no bells or whistles or nothing, but still worth watching.

[mrsnesbitt]

[he snorts, laughing at the idea. eat shit, al! you suck! how could you not know your toys are sentient and put them through something that would scar them because of said sentience!

well, that and the theft. stealing a child's toy from his mother was definitely a thing he did. gross.

buzz has the grossest grin on his face when he continues.] Maybe I'm biased but... it has you in it, doesn't it?